I'm not mentally ill, nor have I ever been diagnosed as such. However, I have been told by the therapists I've talked with that I seem to suffer from too much brain. As arrogant as it may sound, I agree with that. I was told that I am obsessed with trying to place a perfect world on reality, and it's making me a little crazy. Well, it would appear that I'm trying to force my own reality on the world once more.
I've always said that I wasn't interested in the perfect person, that I was seeking the person perfect for me. Over the years, I've suffered headache, heartache, financial hardship, and even physical injury in my search for the person that I wanted like no other.
Sadly, I've found her. I think. She's everything I want: intelligent, honest, fun, sarcastic, driven, attractive. I could get lost in her eyes forever, and feeling her body against mine while laying in bed cuddling or sitting and watching waves roll in at the beach is a feeling I want to go on forever. Sure, she's still new to me and I haven't been around her enough to see any potential negatives. I can admit that readily. I can admit that, if anything, we're in the new and infatuated stage...that period where the person is flawless. The kicker: she's not mine, and I question that she will be, but not from lack of wanting on my part.
So many times I have to bite back the thoughts and words that beg to escape from inside me. I've tried to push the thoughts out of my head with school, my bass, painting. Nothing seems to keep the image of her smile out of my head. I can't remember ever feeling this way about another person.
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