Conversations with Whiskey, volume 1

You're drunk. So are you. You're pissed off. My vagina's numb. That's probably why you're pissed off. Fuck you. Conversations with whiskey, volume 1.

How I feel about my gaming collection...

"We had two lieutenants, seventy-five primaris marines, five sheets of high powered chapter transfers, a salt shaker half full of static grass, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored paints, primers, glue, data sheets... and also a quart of blood angels red, a quart of apothecary white, a case of hobby tools, a pint of raw nuln oil and two dozen unbuilt figures. Not that we needed all that for the game, but once you get locked into a serious gaming collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can."

Letting go

I had a wonderful evening in my garage … going through storage tubs that I've been hauling through my life since 1998. I found an entire metal/plastic dark eldar army from when they were first released. Mordheim figures. Gorkamorka boyz, trukks, and trakkz. Terrain pieces. Old sprue bits that "I'm going to do something with these." The pieces and parts that 'survived' being moved multiple times over 20 years were put aside.
After my walk through memory lane, I closed up the tubs, looked over my display cabinet, work bench, and "to do pile." I looked around the garage and the stacks of kids toys, gardening supplies, and various other "storage" stuff (holiday ornaments, bikes, exercise equipment, etc).
The storage stuff that hadn't been opened, let alone used, in almost 20 years went into the trash. I know there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth … but it needed to be done.
Currently, my AoS collection is Sylvaneth, SE, Khorne (mostly still unassembled), and a small collection of troggoths (about 1000 points, because I love the models). I still have my high elf and wood elf armies from WHFB. WH40K collection is fairly extensive, with a AM tank army, space marines, sisters of battle (1500 points from 1999, plus the new plastic release), orks (my first step into GW's world...still have some of my first models from 1990). Then there's the Blood Bowl stuff. The Underworlds stuff. The WarmaHordes stuff. The SW:Legion stuff. Flames of War. A bookshelf overflowing with board games.
I actually did have a momentary thought of "Offer this up to local gamers, see if anyone wants to take it off your hands." It lasted about 3 seconds before I remembered the 3 boxes of D&D books and White Wolf books that I lugged around, unused, for 20 years. The boxes I kept telling myself I was going to "take to the used book store, or sell them or give them away to local gamers." I've been saying that mantra for 4 years. A couple of weeks ago, I just tossed the box of White Wolf books into the recycling, and sent the D&D books to my brother.
I know what triggered this sudden urge to follow through with what I've been putting off. I went in to my local GW today and played my first game in over 6 months. Joined the Path to Glory campaign they have going with my troggoths. Literally had 4 models on the table. I looked around at the other players and had the thought that I should offer to sell my Khorne and SE stuff, because I've literally never played them despite having them since Soul Wars was released.

Hobby ADD ... and Things.

So, I feel so disorganized with my hobby stuff. Such is the problem with having multiple armies across multiple gaming systems. I decided to scrap the Mentor Legion for WH40K, and stripped the paint jobs that I had been working on. LA's Totally Awesome (available in the US at your local dollar store) worked wonders on getting the paint off. Most people suggest soaking it for about 12 hours and then going at it with an old toothbrush, I was impatient and let it soak for about two hours. Got the job done (there was still some primer, and in a few recesses on the models there was the base coat as well). Primed up a bunch of them and have started on a Sons of Orar paint scheme (yay Ultramarine successor chapter). Even printed off some chapter markings on transfer paper and have those ready to go.

That aside, I also have assembled and painted a wraithlord for my Ulthwe eldar, started working on some guardians as well.

Finally, I am also going back and trying to get my Sylvaneth finished up.

Not even going to mention my Orks.

Because of all the different directions I'm working, I feel overwhelmed at times. I wish I had the time and focus to just sit down and finish off one project before jumping to another. Part of the problem is that my gaming part of the hobby is pretty much nonexistent, so there's no real urge to finish anything. I want to participate in a WH40K league starting up in August, but that's when MWW is heading back to work and I have no idea how our schedules will align. If I were part of the league, it would give me reason to finish up one faction, at the very least.

Some Sylvaneth Projects

This post is going to be a bit of a photo dump, but I've been working on my Sylvaneth (in addition to Space Marines, Space Orks, and Aeldari).

 Alarielle the Everqueen. Still finishing up the beetle, but she's as done as she's going to be. If I keep fiddling with it, I'll mess something up, and I'm happy with how she turned out for tabletop purposes.

While I did stick to some of the color schemes they use in the studio, I did make a few minor variations. Nothing drastic, just enough to make it mine. Still working on getting better with painting flesh.

My branchwych. Went a little overboard with the Vallejo wood tone shade, but I'm pleased with the final result. This was also my first attempt at a vibrant "rune glow" on both the stone and sigil carved into the bark. Not entirely pleased with the blade of the scythe, but whatever. I'm happy with the way the base itself turned out.

 A kitbashed Branchwraith. Made out of parts of dryad, tree/spite revenant, Durthu, and hair from one of the sisters of the thorn. Quite a bit of green stuff. Not the best ever, but not too shabby, and I think she turned out decent for a first attempt. I regret the moss "belt" now that I look at it, but I had some unsightly green stuff gaps and was in a time crunch to get it done.

It wasn't until after I was finished that I realized I had put her on a 40mm base instead of a 32mm base, however none of my opponents have said anything about it.




Below is my first batch of spite revenants. The photo is a bit dark, but they turned out pretty decently. Happy with the skin, all GW colors: Ulthuan grey (to bring them up from the Mournfang brown primer), then a layer of Nighthaunt Gloom, then layered up Nihilakh Oxide and Baharroth Blue. Think I may have done a final drybrush of Fenrisian Grey as an afterthought to polish it off. Basing was very simple, went with a "dead" orange flocking around the feet and then just a green flocking for the rest of it.

Mentors vs Homebrew chapter

So, real life had caught up in a major way (as it tends to do): working 2 jobs, raising a kid, another kid due any day now, home improvement stuff … gaming had taken a back seat. Even when I had the time and energy for it, I would stare at my workbench and sigh and find something else to do. 

Last week I made it a point to get out to my FLGS for a demo of SW: Legion, just to get out of the house and do something gaming related. Since then, I've started assembling and even tried to get some painting done. That's when it hit me. I hate painting white. 

Like, literally hate it. It's time consuming and tedious. I tried doing it different ways: 

• prime white, add washes to the recesses, touch up, highlight 
• Prime, light grey, wash, build up 
• GW's new contrast white 

I got frustrated, put the paints away, went back to building. Started surfing the internet, played around with the space marine painter tool on TB&C and decided that it's not the painting I hate, it's literally trying to quickly get through the white. Whipped out some Zandri Dust and replaced the white with it. I think I'm inspired again.

Question is, do they still count as Mentors? Or do I have to work out the details on a homebrew chapter?

Writing Prompts

Wife gave me two lists of words to use in stories. The challenge is to write a story using all the words on the list. I have yet to sit down and work on them, but I might have more time coming up after all this mess of packing, moving, and having a kid is done. Well, I won't be having the kid, but I'll still be there to help.

List 1

• rosemary
• brisk
• wizened
• milk
• pear
• diligent
• razor
• slick
• laurel
• sometimes
• soothe
• perfume
• chalice
• silver
• ivory

List 2

• Marsala (this one is tough, it refers to a city in Sicily or a sweet, dark fortified wine from that region).
• berries
• fiber
• cabin
• candle
• dusk
• tome
• rust
• brick
• maple
• formidable
• quill
• scavenge
• pelt
• burst

Updates later on this one.

Zombicide #1

Here's a few quick pics of the Zombicide! figures that I have finished up.

I'll have to get around to taking pictures of the rest that I have completed and posting them up.

Year in Review: 2015

So, I finished up school a year ago (Jan 2015) and transitioned from LVN to RN at work. More responsibility, more pay. I went from being happily engaged to happily married, and a few months after that we got a surprise! He's due in April, and I'm looking forward to meeting him.

Work and husbanding (I know, it's not a word. Deal with it.) have taken up a lot of my time in 2015, but I did manage to do some other fun stuff. I've fell a bit behind with my painting and gaming projects, but that's to be expected when your priorities change. Thanks to the changes GW brought about, I'm less interested in pursuing some of my armies. However, I did discover the joy that is Zombicide (and, more recently, Zombicide: Black Plague ... fantasy version!) and have painted up quite a few of the figures for that.

In November, I tried my hand at NaNoWriMo and ... failed miserably. I'm not sure if it was a lack of energy after working all day, the distractions of the PS4 (SW:Battlefront and Fallout 4 in the same month?! Unfair!), a lack of drive, or just the feeling that what I was writing wasn't really going where I wanted it to. I suspect a combination of all of the above.

This year, I plan on writing a lot more, time permitting. The little one might not allow for it. We'll see what happens. Maybe I'll even keep this blog updated!

Still alive and kicking!

I can't believe over a month has gone by since my last post. I've been meaning to post up stuff and write more, but apparently life has gotten busy. New relationship, finishing up the term at school, painting and modelling stuff all over...and I finally feel I have the time to sit down and write something (albeit, I'm blowing off studying for finals to do it).

First off, some pics to post up of my winter-themed glade guards:

I also got my figure back from the local GW store, where I participated in a kitbash contest for their one year anniversary. A lot of people went with Chaos themed figures, but I went with a space marine, as I wanted something I could use with my Templars after the event.

Also, my birthday happened last week. Yay me. I got the new Wood Elf Shadowdancer, a space ork weirdboy, the Garden of Morr scenery set, a Watchtower, and a Citadel wood terrain set. Have yet to go get the Wood Elf army book, but I expect to do that this weekend. I had better get cracking on assembling and painting stuff, because I'm starting to stack boxes. =( Luckily, I have one more final to go, and then a week off (except for a few shifts at work, and volunteering at the May ride). Hopefully I can get some stuff built and the painting process started.

Miniatures update

Here's the updates on the painting front, as I kind of left off a few months ago with my painting projects. Starting a few Wood Elves in addition to the High Elf army, so there's some mixed stuff here.

Old friend

Today I got to sit and chat with an old friend. 19 years since the last time we saw each other ... high school graduation. Sure, we've talked on the phone, through chat programs, and via email over the years, but nothing beats sitting down face to face with a cup of coffee and just saying "Fuck, it's good to see you."

We caught up on who wound up becoming bible thumping Jesus freaks, who got fat, who lost their hair, who lost their damn mind, and who we've cut out of our lives (turns out, both of us cut spouses out...).

Life is pretty damn funny. I have memories of quoting Monty Python back in 6th grade and Rhi thought I was pretty fucking weird for doing it, and now she's pretty much forcing her older kid to learn Monty Python. We were pretty much inseparable for 6 years, and then we had a falling out. Not because of a clash in personalities or anything like that; she had a goal and I didn't. She's been living her dream (well, mostly... remember that cut out spouse bit) and I've been ... playing the part of Forrest Gump, floating on the breeze like a feather. I was surprised to find out that she was actually disappointed in me when I started making some of the choices that I did. I don't regret any of them though, they made me who I am today. That sounds like such a bullshit cop-out excuse...but when you've spent a night making cactus soup, asking the tree about how the pod works, and spotting the strings that hold the stars in place you have to admit that those are all things that change your perceptions on a lot of things.

She asked me about my current interest, and just thinking about her and where I wanted to start got me grinning and blushing (or twitterpated, as Rhi put it). She told me to pursue her with everything I had, to grab on to that little bit of happiness and hold on. I really want to.

All in all, the day left me happy and smiling. Fuck the melancholy that's been threatening to creep in. Fuck the bad days that I've put behind me, they're behind me. The future is looking bright, and I've gotten enough good days in despite the shitstorm I've created and passed through to get to where I am.

Here's the photo evidence that the iPhone takes better pictures than an Android (either that or someone moved at the last moment):

Revenge of the crazy eye!

I swear she moved...

Free writing 1

Coffee ties us together on a social level where we gather to discuss life, use it for waking up, and just sitting back for a quiet evening It goes great with food after and before. Music at coffee shops, nothing ever that I paid attention to. Just wanted to have a quiet night without my brain screaming at me but my thoughts keep returning to what I want to say numerous times over but im always afraid of how I feel or how its going to be taken, I don't have more to offer than just myself at this point and it puts me into a funk music and coffee hep to ealleviate the funk want to tget more painting done because it helps with the funk but getting motivated while in a funk what's the source of the funk? I just want to be happy and cuddle and kiss away the regrets and fears and tell her that every day the sun is brighter the cold winds don't bite as hard when I have her near me or just the thought of her puts a smile on my face I never thought I would find someone that has this much hold on me and yet here I am wishing that I could offer more to make her mine and I don't know what it is that she wants or if she even wants the same thing need to focus on school and let her focus on school so that even if we have a future together its the one we want to build and aren;t forced into it because we fucked up our future for the enjoyment of the present. and then the song stops on the player and my thoughts hiccup and I remember when this song represented so much and the idea of being a rock star thrilled me yet I didn't have the skills to make that happen. so many friends that ive left behind in the years as ive let life direct which steps I take and which one do I trust?? youre the champion of sorrow youre the (what did he say?) youre the fighter of evil yet you're one and the same. I never had much use for faith or god or religion, yet people say to trust and have faith but every time ive had faith in someone ive been let down. is that what life is? a serious let down. series of let downs. memories that ive forgotten have come back and people I haven't thought about in years because they just don't fucking matter anymore because the one person that matters is me and ive forgotten that pver the years as ive put everyone else ahead of me fuck that's what liz always accused me of not being able to do. I miss telling people to fuck off with impunity and that hasn't happened since the days of AX and sage's quintet of hate. Belittlement! rarwr! he's up in LA now doing whatever it is that he does, backfloating along letting life carry him and that's what I did for the longest time and I resented him for being able to do it while I was trying to make a relationship work even though I had no clue goal or direction and now I;m getting my direction and focus drive back and want to make shit work. I want someone to join me on that trip and with billions of people in the world why do I keep coming back to this one person? Why is it so fucking hard to just look her straight in the eye and tell her that she's the one person in the world who brings a light to my darkness so shines a candle in a weary world. fuck why am I letting anyone or anything have so much hold on me after ive struggled so long to be an independent arrogant fucker that just has given up giving a fuck? because none of that ever made me happy, it made me feel strong despite being weak. now I feel weaker than ever, more vulnerable and yet unstoppable. fuck you, brain. fuck you. stop picturing a happy home with a wife and kids that I want to come home to. cuddling a warm girl smelling stale perfume that's entertainment ... why did I ever think that song was my happy song? because I didn't have a care in the world and now I do. I care so deeply that it hurts and im just having my little oh woe is me grief


That's time.

Everything I Need To Know (Part 2 - Starting out...)

I've had this concept floating around in my head for a few years now, and I'm finally acting on it (aside from some notes jotted down on scraps of paper randomly). Everything I need to know about life from movies. It's an ambitious undertaking, and it'll be an ongoing series for me, I think. Without further ado, here we go...the first step:

"How can a man take a bowel movement with a hundred buffalo rifles a-pointin' at him?"

- Hollis P. Wood, 1941

Truer words were never spoken. Some things are just meant to be done alone. Door closed, too. If your loved one insists that the door can be open, run. Run fast, run far. I feel for clients in my care that have to do this with staff members present, and I try to give them their privacy and a call light.

 

"Sometimes fear has the appropriate response."

- 1, 9

Fear is a natural thing. As soon as you learn to accept it, and interpret it correctly, it no longer cripples but rather allows you to move forward. I've come to embrace my moments of fear; they allow me to recognize when I'm facing something new. My fear also tells me when I'm facing something that challenges my comfort zone. Fear allows us to feel alive.

 

"Classes will dull your mind, destroy the potential for authentic creativity."

John Nash, A Beautiful Mind

If I have to provide a rationale as to why conformity destroys creativity, do us both a favor and stop reading.

 

"And somebody get me some coffee!"

Lois Einhorn, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

And after that coffee is gone, more coffee. Coffee is the life, the life is forever.

 



Everything I Need To Know (Part 1-Introduction)

I've been taking notes and mulling an idea around in my head for years now, and collecting snippets on various pieces of paper all over. In the coming months, I fully intend to put them all down here as part of a growing collection of posts. Well, hopefully more than just one...especially as this is the first... :)

With as many movies as I watch, I realized that you can actually be a fairly enlightened person from taking a little wisdom away from films. Earth shattering revelation, I know. It'll make sense once the project is started in earnest, I hope.

That odd moment of calm

It never ceases to amaze me how calming it can be to just be close to someone. Of course, it makes it a little hard to type when they're holding your hand and resting their head on your shoulder... :)

Little moments in life shouldn't be taken for granted...and last night's mental challenge made me realize I should go after what I want, consequences be damned.

The voices in my head

Once upon a time, I started this blog as a therapeutic resource to get the voices in my head out so I could enjoy some peace and quiet. Since then I've turned it towards more creative outlets, because the voices in my head finally silenced. Sad to say, it seems like they're back.

I'm not mentally ill, nor have I ever been diagnosed as such. However, I have been told by the therapists I've talked with that I seem to suffer from too much brain. As arrogant as it may sound, I agree with that. I was told that I am obsessed with trying to place a perfect world on reality, and it's making me a little crazy. Well, it would appear that I'm trying to force my own reality on the world once more.

I've always said that I wasn't interested in the perfect person, that I was seeking the person perfect for me. Over the years, I've suffered headache, heartache, financial hardship, and even physical injury in my search for the person that I wanted like no other.

Sadly, I've found her. I think. She's everything I want: intelligent, honest, fun, sarcastic, driven, attractive. I could get lost in her eyes forever, and feeling her body against mine while laying in bed cuddling or sitting and watching waves roll in at the beach is a feeling I want to go on forever. Sure, she's still new to me and I haven't been around her enough to see any potential negatives. I can admit that readily. I can admit that, if anything, we're in the new and infatuated stage...that period where the person is flawless. The kicker: she's not mine, and I question that she will be, but not from lack of wanting on my part.

So many times I have to bite back the thoughts and words that beg to escape from inside me. I've tried to push the thoughts out of my head with school, my bass, painting. Nothing seems to keep the image of her smile out of my head. I can't remember ever feeling this way about another person.

 

 

Funny thing ... now I've written this out and I'm sending this out to the world ... my head is a little quieter. Maybe I can actually sleep tonight.

Further progress on mounted noble

Got a little more done on the noble tonight.

More painting!

It seems I'll never get on top of the painting to-do list. Getting my dragon princes worked on, while doing the mounted noble as well. Might as well get the base coat for the white done on all the horses as long as I'm working with the grey on my brush. Just feels overwhelming.

When (if?) I get the mounted figures done, I'll be down (HA!) to the battle standard bearer, 2 lion chariots, 10 swordmasters (refuse to get more until they release them in plastic instead of finecast), 5 ellyrian reavers (oh crap....more horses), 2 bolt throwers, 20 archers, and a huuuuuuuge slew of spears.

If the Xmas white dwarf brings me more figures, I'll still have to assemble and paint those.

Ugh.

A follow-up

I just want to throw this out there about the griphon: I had some issues with the claws and beak. I decided to do the logical thing and search some images on the internet for some real-life inspiration...here are the two pics I really drew from as far as colors.